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[18 Mar 2010|02:53pm] <b>help</b> Of A Poem On My Arm.

end of summer, start of life [24 Jul 2009|02:30am] I can honestly say that I havent had as much down time as I would have liked to have this summer.  It seems that this summer, I have become the one person that I have vowed to myself that I would never become.  I have given up so much; too much for money.  Im working too much.  I know it, I feel it in every day that I wake up now.  I rarely have an hour to myself and when I do, I never use it to do anything productive, instead I choose to catch up on some much needed sleep.   I think Ive forgotten the fact that I am only 18.  I am so controlling at times and so...driven? that I sometimes feel the urge to prove myself as being capable of doing what people older then me can do.  But when it boils down to it, I cant.  I cant work 80 hour weeks, because in all honesty, it is getting to me.  It has gotten me.  It has killed my summer, and the part of me that has yearned for this one time, this one stretch of freedom, before college, before I lose...everything. I have had a productive summer.  I have made more money then I thought was ever possible, but in the process, I believe that I've robbed myself of my last few carefree months where my future is not on the forefront of my mind. Ove the course of this summer, I have seen my friends six times.  That is it.  Six times.  I will be lucky to see them four more times before the school year starts.   Ya.  I bit off more then I could chew...you heard right.  I cant handle this.  at all.  Im crashing and burning.  and no amount of water can fix the damage that ive already caused and I hate it. Ive dug my own hole and somehow told myself that Im okay with constantly working, but Im not.  At all. Im 18, and I havent seen my friends in two weeks.  and I havent seen them all together since graduation, which was almost a month ago.  and I hate that, so, so so much. I need school to start.  I need to move away to a whole town over.  and hopefully attempt to make a better start for myself.  oh man.  I shoulda gone farther, ya, I shoulda.   I havent even done half my list of things I wanted to do before the end of summer.  and this has been the most stressful month of my life, ever.  sweet, right? Okay, so heres to the next three weeks.  Maybe theyll be better?  right?:/. So, livejournal...Ive missed you, dearly. Of A Poem On My Arm.

[04 Mar 2009|10:25pm] so lets see..what is new in my life?  Not much really, same old shit, same old routine and same boring outcome.  Ever watch tv or a movie and theres a person who is having a midlife crisis, and they are saying how their life is so predictable, and how they no longer have that much fun?  well, thats basically what Ive been feeling for about a week now.  It happens at least four times a year, where I fall into this slump and have to go through what seems like hell to get out of it.   Too many things are pilling up on me, and it seems that Im starting to crack under pressure, except the thing is, is that I cant do that.  I run too many things, I do too much, I work too much, and dont play enough.  Im not complaining, or maybe I am?  But the thing is is that I wouldnt have it any other way.  I know I do too much, I know my plate is constantly full and that I am always running in top gear trying to get at least 10 things done at once, and Im good at it.  Im good at multi tasking, but its just after a while of doing this without a break, I break.  I guess its that Im out of adrenaline?  I dont really know, but I know that I am run down. and I need a day off from everything.  School. Work. Sports. Gym. Clubs. Church. College Shit.  Everything.   I need the summer. so. so bad.  Thats what it boils down to.  So there are 3 months and 19 days left until the end of my last year of high school, so if I dont explode before then, here goes overdrive....for three months, and 19 days...and if I seem crabby, well, now you know why... I Wrote 1 Line Of A Poem On My Arm.

wooooo! [17 Oct 2008|12:23am] im 18...i can buy porn...legally now:)  and go to the strip club...legally...muahhhahahahahahahahah siiick Of A Poem On My Arm.

[08 Sep 2008|10:22am]  5th year nd still kickin'...relay today:) last milford one for a while:(. Of A Poem On My Arm.

[15 Aug 2008|11:18pm] so I havent updated in this thing in what seems like years now.  its only been about 4 months, but it seems an eternity ago.  I guess they changed this entire site around because I had no idea what the hell I was doing when I logged on today.  it seems weird to me these past few weeks.  I remember when Id talk with people about college and just laugh thinking that it was ages away, that we had all the time in the world before it was here, but here it is and the time before it came seems nothing more then a few days although its been years.  and know what the funny thing is..im not even going to college till next year, but a shitload of my friends are.  people that although I may not talk to everyday or absolutley love to death, but Ive grown accustomed to having around, grown comfortable with their presence and learned to go to certain people in times of need.  and just like that, everyones gone.  I leave in two days for the carolinas. I dont want to go, cause Im leaving with everyone being here and then comming home to no one at all.  its going to suck.  so much. I remember when this thing used to be checked at least 5 times daily.  how I could post anything on here an d get a reply in minutes from someone, anyone.  now I doubt anyone from those days even writes or reads anything from this, going from this, to myspace, and now the new fad is facebook.   I went through alot of the shit from middle school.  all those poems and presents and photos and it got me thinking about everything.  all that emo shit we used to think before high school, and I kind of miss feeling that deep.  I really miss it.  I feel pretty shallow lately, because I have feelings for no one anymore.  at all. so I guess what Im trying to say, to give this entry some sort of signifigance, is...I wish you all the best of luck, i hope you have a smile on your face more often then a frown, I hope that you find friends as good as the ones youve had here, and i wish you all the happiness you can take in.  and never forget, if ur ever looking for some sort of solid ground in ur life, just take out a candle and have a bunch of people sit around it, it worked for us, right? lol. but seriously, good luck. now the funny thing will be to see if anyone has actually seen this.  which I doubt anyone will. I Wrote 2 Lines Of A Poem On My Arm.

[05 Mar 2008|12:54am] It kills me that only a year ago this journal and the friends page was updated all too frequently.  Now Im lucky if there is a new entry once a day.  We all....like...died.  Weird.  Kinda sucks.  I kinda lost my love for writing this year, I guess.  Might have something to do with the English class I'm in this year.  The teacher I have is way too critical of everything and allows no room for creativity at all.  But I guess thats what school is all about...uniform behavior, uniform education, because God forbid, we piss someone off by saying anything that is politically incorrect.  This place disqusts me.  Alot. I Wrote 2 Lines Of A Poem On My Arm.

[12 Feb 2008|09:50pm] and its nights like this one that remind why I hate going into relationships. and how many let downs come with them. Of A Poem On My Arm.

[01 Jan 2008|04:34am] So I went on livejournal today. and had no idea what my password was for like 5 minutes and then I remembered...thats how long its been since I wrote in this thing. This year has been....different. very different. Im not friends with alot of the people that I was with at the beginning of the year. I dont know why, but we all just....fell apart I guess. But Idk..I guess it didnt really phase me, its happened before. So it wasnt as big of a let down as the whole middle school fallout. So some new stuff from this year- -Got my liecense, and managed to, in three months-get into an accident and ruin my brakes -Im a junior now... -I dont suck at science anymore. -I havent writen in over like a month..weird. -I became sick at warcraft. -Learned how to make a margarita and pina colada- and learned that Captain morgan does NOT go into a margarita...unless you want a shitty night -Had a kick ass Relay For Life, raised 5000 dollars. It rained and we made a slip and slide...one of the best memories. -Ring dance....fun time, especially with the Quizno guy lmao. -Quit shoprite and started working at stop and shop...good job. -began my first summer job -started listening to country..and stopped lol. -aha was created. -I burned my finger pictures of the year will follow tomorrow. I Wrote 3 Lines Of A Poem On My Arm.

[07 Oct 2007|04:39pm] When youre starting from start, at 0, you have nothing to lose. If it isnt your request, it will be someone elses. If they arent your tears, theyll fall from another face. If they arent your smiles, theyll be someone elses' pearly whites. If its not your battle, why make the hassle to fight? because you can. Dont complain if youre not willing to act on those complaints. Im really sick of people not acting on what they say. If you have a problem, more times then not, it isnt going to solve itself. Everyone is so unsatisfied with life, they get mad that they have to work so hard to gain something, but heres a thought-If everything was easy, when would we go home and think to ourselves "wow, what an accomplishment that was?" "We are what we repeatdely do, excellence then is an an act, but instead a habit." homecomming tonight-pictures to follow:). Of A Poem On My Arm.

[31 Jul 2007|02:51pm] [ mood | exhausted ] I cant do this. I got out of this web once before, and I dont want to be entangled in it again. Im not sure why this always happens. always Im drained. with relay and work and people and just life in general. I havent been sleeping as much as I should be, which just adds to my irritability. Relay's about a month away and there is still so much that needs to be done, and everyone's lost interest, and it pisses me off, but w/e. two weeks left of camp. that means the summer is comming to a close, which stinks. Im gonna be a junior next year, really weird folks. and ems gonna be a senior...college the next year. weird my friends, weird. I'm not sure whats going on for the rest of the summer, I go on vacation in august, but not sure of the dates. its gonna suck, but thats alright. Woodmont day was saturday, it was fun. Really fun. But weird. Didnt go to the park at like all. So, who knows maybe well do the whole comeback kids thing, but I doubt it, which sucks all the more. Ok, thats my rant for the day. bye. dont expect another update for a while. Of A Poem On My Arm.

[22 Jun 2007|06:42am] Id just like to clear the air about something because people are being reallllly retarded. Just because I talk to you, does not mean that I think of you as a friend, or I even like you. I have about 15 people that I consider to be friends. Everyone else is merely an aquentance. If I dont invite you somewhere, its on purpose, not because I forgot about you..Im very good about NOT forgetting things, so 99 times out of 100, it will be because I dont want you there. If you act like a jackass, or too clingy, I will never wanna hang out with you again. If I yell at you and tell you I dont like you, I usually mean it, so dont call me the next day asking to hang out. If you blow me off or lie to me, chances are that Im never going to trust you again. ever. People just have to get brains and learn to use them. I Wrote 1 Line Of A Poem On My Arm.

[20 Jun 2007|07:54am] You preach strength. Tell people that they should always be strong, things will go their way sooner or later. How can you say that when you're so weak? I thought so much of you and you diminished that to nothing. I hope you understand that. I can't care about you if you don't care about yourself. Of A Poem On My Arm.

[03 Jun 2007|07:37am] There are...9 days left of classes and 13 days total. Weiiiiird. But good. Next year Im gonna be a junior..thats a little weird to think about. SAT's and prom and all that stuff. I remember when I was like 8 and Id watch nick and itd show the sats and Id think damn, thats a long way off. [minus the damn; it was before I swore]. Its just a little weird to think about. But at the same time good. I want change. Two years and then im outta this hell hole. And one year till all the juniors leave.....that so weird to think about. Umm...what happened to middle and high school..yea. they flew by. So I guess I should have listened when all those teachers told me that high school flies by...Cause it does. Umm anyways. I havent updated ina month..Dk why, but I just havent gotten around to it. Went to Ring dance, it was fun. Um went to laureltons prom. It was a blast. Made aha. Were the shit. Held a relay for life kickoff and met a great woman called mary ann nilan...very inspirational...it was good. Finals comming up soon:/. yuck. Studying isnt my bestest friend. Alrite. thats it for now. bye. I Wrote 1 Line Of A Poem On My Arm.

[27 Apr 2007|06:23pm] 36 days of school..... But whos counting. I Wrote 1 Line Of A Poem On My Arm.

[18 Apr 2007|07:06pm] Oh boy, tiredness is starting to kick in, so yea..do a dance. Lifes been good lately. I did well at track today, minus the lack of sleep, but it was fine. This week better stay this way, knock on wood, cause its been pretty good thus far. Knock on wood again. Im out. Of A Poem On My Arm.

[08 Apr 2007|11:29am] So, my ring dance was amazing. End of story. Pictures to come soon when I get them developed.:) Of A Poem On My Arm.

[03 Apr 2007|10:17am] So. Its very very very nice out today. I like it. Its starting to feel like spring...finally...its about time right?lol. anyways. Lifes been pretty good. Track started two weeks ago, and its going well. Brewster starts April 22nd. Which is going to be amazing because that place is the best. And yea...Dairy Queen wants to hire me, Nick told me yesterday to come see him today because he wants me to work there. So Im kinda hoping to work there like three days a week and at Brewster the rest of the time. For those of you that dont know, this is my working time. So I have $$ for the summer, so I wont be doing alot other then working. But yea. Relay for Life started. I passed out forms and everyones been starting to give me stuff back, so Im happy that that is going smoothly. So...yea. Minus this cold/ throat/cough/stuffy nose thing, Im doing well. Of A Poem On My Arm.

[30 Mar 2007|07:03pm] Ladies and Gents- If you would be so kind as to lend me your ear for a moment... [not literally, Id rather not have 45 ears all over my room...thatd be gross] Anyone on my relay for life team- All paperwork that was passed out at the last meeting is due back to me by tomorrow. Along with this, is a ten dollar registration fee that also has to be given to me. We may be holding a fundraiser soon, and any money collected from it will only go towards your funds if I have paperwork from you. Thanks. Have a good one. Of A Poem On My Arm.

[27 Mar 2007|03:48am] yea...this whole waking up early thing is getting really old. I want summer...realllllll bad. I Wrote 2 Lines Of A Poem On My Arm.

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